One Life
HOT SPRINGS, Ark. -- The former Robert Craft, who changed his legal name to Jack Ass in 1997 and founded the Hearts Across America campaign that encouraged people to put up big red "healing hearts" along highways, shot himself with a hunting rifle last week in a yard used for automobile storage. He was 45.
"Winning hearts and guns for Jesus since 1997." (sorry, that was off-color)
Super Di
NEW YORK -- A U.S. comic book publisher has decided to let Princess Diana rest in peace, dropping plans to reincarnate her as a mutant comic superhero.
"They won't let Di just."
All Together Now
PENSACOLA, Fla. -- A police officer resigned after a teenager complained that he made her do jumping jacks while topless to avoid arrest.
"A moving violation." Bad cop. Bad.
Plastic Faith
ESHER, England -- The world's first inflatable church opened its Gothic arches to worshipers to reveal a blow-up organ, a polyvinyl pulpit, an air-filled altar and fake stained glass windows.
"'A blow up organ?' The perfect companion for the pneumatic woman in your life."
Special Request
YOKOHAMA, Japan -- A man was arrested for intimidation after repeatedly threatening to blow up a pop radio station for failing to play his favorite songs.
"Intimidation, eh? You must have really bad taste in music to be arrested for it."
Getting Religion
PUTNEY, Ky. -- A man converted his sex toy shop to a Christian bookstore.
"Oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh, GLORY!!"
Shallow Proposal
DANVILLE, Va. -- A city councilman intent on cost-cutting argued that cash-strapped Danville could realize major savings by making graves at city cemeteries only five feet deep instead of the standard six.
"They split the difference." Ugh.
They Have Noses?
BERLIN -- Human sperm become excited when exposed to the scent of lily of the valley, doubling their speed and homing in on the aroma, a German scientist said last Wednesday.
An entire years worth of weirdness for the taking.
Happy New Year.
No comments :
Post a Comment